Hints and Guesses

In my twenties, I latched onto a fantasy that one day I would confront Sue on Oprah.

I imagined telling my story in front of the whole country. Who could fail to sympathize? And Sue would never be able to show her face in public again. This time, everyone would know exactly what kind of person she was, and she’d never be able to hurt anyone else.

I held onto this fantasy for a few years, until the day I asked her “Why? Why would you do that to your children?” At that moment I realized that there was nothing—nothing—she could say that would ever make any of it better. And inexplicably a big chunk of the burden I carried melted away. Just like that. I haven’t seen that part since.

At 8:15 this evening Dr. S called to put me out of my misery. The training thing didn’t work out anyway, she said, and in the end they went with the candidate with academic experience, which I don’t have. However, the assistant dean of the college of arts and sciences is actively looking for a new assistant and she’s passed my resume on to him (at his request). She was complimentary about our entire experience together (which began last week when I went over to introduce myself since she didn’t know me from Eve and then spent an hour in conversation).

So tomorrow morning I’m getting up bright and early to go over and do my networking thing again. All is not lost, and this might even be a better position for me.

On the corner of our lot sits a large beech tree. Since we’ve owned this house, we’ve had four incidents in which large branches broke off the tree. The first was during a storm (two large branches came down that time), the second was a calm, sunny day (I happened to see that one fall), the third was in light wind conditions, and the fourth was during a big storm. The fourth incident took out a power line, and our neighborhood was without power for several hours. It also almost hit a passing minivan and would have hit the firstborn’s car if his brother hadn’t ditched it in order to take shelter in the house (he parked around the corner instead of the driveway, and that saved him).

I like trees, but I have never liked this tree. It leaned over the street in front of the house and I had visions of it crashing on top of a car or two. Taking it out, however, was out of our budget, and so branches continued to fall, miraculously never hitting either a person or a vehicle. Still, I called it the Death Tree.

Until the power company decided to take it out, after the last incident. They’ve been on a tear around town lately, taking out way more trees than I thought necessary. Today they finally got to ours.

Here’s a before sequence, starting from the base (note the power lines in the first photo, and note the lean, which is worse than it looks in this photo):

Here’s what’s left of the top:

And this is what’s left of a once-mighty tree:

Negotiations are under way for how we’ll design that area of the yard.

Curiously, in yesterday’s job interview I was not once asked why I left my last job. This is the first time the interviewer has not asked that question (one interviewer in another interview asked why I left every single job I’ve had since college. Even the skating rink job. If you didn’t know I’d worked at a skating rink since college, we are more out of touch than you thought. And that is probably not your fault.)

Given the nature of the location of this position (currently identified as the university in my backyard), it is not surprising to imagine that they know, in fact, that I left my job because I got fired. That’s the nature of the church grapevine. Still, I was there for almost two hours (partly because I had a number of questions, and partly because of an add-on conversation at the copier). They’re making a decision quickly—today, in fact. I just wrote and sent two completely different thank-you notes, one for each interviewer, showcasing my personable writing personality and reminding them that in fact, I am the best person for this job. Pleasepleaseplease (except that I didn’t actually say that).

Should I get this job, I will start tomorrow, because the person I’d be replacing is leaving at noon on Friday, for good. I would like this job, which is probably not going to pay enough but will have fantastic benefits for parents of children in private school. Which we are, and we do not currently have these benefits. Should I get a job at this institution, the firstborn has promised to take his shoes off at the door every single time instead of sporadically, and he will always turn the lights out when he leaves a room. I am not sure that is enough for thousands of dollars less in student loans, but it may be all I get.

For the rest of what may be my last day of freedom, I am going to watch a movie and then maybe play croquet. It sounds good, doesn’t it?

Coming up: The end of the Death Tree, with pictures.

While between jobs I have been reminded that, when not under pressure to perform and produce results, I actually like cooking. Remind me of this a few months from now when I’ve had time to forget it.

Today’s kitchen output is Ratatouille With Goat’s Cheese and Herby Crumble. This is the second time I have made this recipe, which I share here in a modified form:

To freeze follow the recipe to end of step 4. Double wrap in its dish in cling film and freeze for up to 2 months. To serve, put the frozen crumble into the fridge to thaw for at least 8 hours. Continue with step 5.

INGREDIENTS:
2 eggplants
3 zucchinis
2 red peppers
1 green pepper
6 tablespoons olive oil
2 medium onions, coarsely chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed
400 g chopped Italian tomatoes
¼ cup fresh basil, chopped
350 g goat’s cheese, with a rind

FOR THE CRUMBLE
350 g sliced white bread, crusts removed
1 tablespoon green pesto sauce
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
1 tablespoon basil
1 tablespoon chives

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat the oven to 375F°.
2. Cut the eggplants and zucchinis into thick slices, no thinner than ¾”, then cut all the slices across in half. Set aside. Cut the peppers in half, remove and discard the seeds, then cut the peppers into bite-sized chunks. Set aside.
3. Heat 5 tablespoons of the olive oil in a large pan, add the onions and garlic and gently fry for 8-10 minutes. Add the eggplants, zucchini and peppers and fry for a further 10 minutes. Tip in the chopped tomatoes, season well, cover and cook for 20 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat, stir in the chopped basil and leave aside to cool.
4. Meanwhile, for the crumble, put the bread into a food processor and blend to fine crumbs. Add the pesto, herbs, the remaining olive oil and plenty of seasoning, then blend again.
5. Cut the goat’s cheese into large bitesized pieces and fold through the ratatouille. Spoon into an 8-cup ovenproof dish. Sprinkle the herby crumb mixture over the top of the ratatouille.
6. Bake the crumble for 25 minutes until golden.

The recipe says that this serves four, but at 874 calories per serving, only if those four are lumberjacks. Not to mention that you will need giant pans in which to cook this. The first time I made it, I used my 4.5 quart Dutch oven, which was barely large enough to contain all those vegetables. This time I used our 13.5-inch cast iron skillet, and I was unable to ever cover the vegetables for the last 20 minutes. And there is no way that an 8-cup dish is adequate. This time I used (I made myself pick the odd-size dishes on purpose to counteract my natural anal tendencies, but next time I’ll go for 8x8-inch dishes for experimental purposes):

• A 2.8 liter baking dish
• A 1.8 liter baking dish
• And an adorable little 7.5” x 5.5” casserole dish

One of those we’ll eat for lunch tomorrow, and the other two are going in the freezer. One of my goals during this gift of free time is to get as much in the freezer as I reasonably can, and I like that this recipe came with clear, direct instructions on how to prepare, freeze, and then use it, something I find lacking in most OAMC and freezer recipes.

I had leftover basil and chives when I was finished with this dish. The chives are now in the freezer for future use, and the basil is on its way.

While I love having the extras in the freezer, the next time I make this I’m going to cut the recipe in half and perhaps also suggest using ricotta or cottage cheese instead of the goat cheese. The goat cheese is good, but the other might be cheaper and just as tasty. Cheesiness makes the vegetables go down!

Congratulations! You scored above average on 1 of the 4 elements of the adult fitness test.  Your score was average or below average for your age on 3 of the 4 tests. You may wish to talk with a fitness or exercise professional about activities you can do to improve your performance on these tests.  Keep up the good work! Remember to be active every day and work to maintain a healthy weight.

Does scoring above average on 1 of the 4 elements of the adult fitness test merit a “Congratulations!”? Does an overall score of 28%ile deserve applause? “Keep up the good work!”? Is that code for “that chair suits you”? Because this last week, it did, every day.

It’s been an uneven week. Having a big crowd of people over, while enjoyable, takes a lot out of me, and I’ve done little around the house. I haven’t exercised at all, and my last shower was Tuesday morning. Both Tuesday (after the job interview) and Wednesday I left the house only to drop off a Netflix DVD in the mailbox and pick up some Taco Bell.

I did have a job interview Tuesday morning, which was apparently another good practice interview. Some Saturdays are involved, so that seemed to be the dealbreaker for her.

I’ve done some reading, and some Torchwood and Sliders (thank goodness the Sliders days are over!), and completely overhauled a web site that’s been giving me fits for ages. It’s got only one fit left in it and hopefully that will be cleared up by the end of the day.

The first wife is annoying me these days, and I’ve tried hard not to be annoyed. She is a nice person and a good mother, but she’s in a crazy mood.

We’re out of granola, and there are banana muffins to be made.

• A box of things from two jobs ago. The mice had a big party in there, even managing to chew a small hole through the metal lid of a tube of lipstick.
• A box of books. I thought I’d managed to get all the books in the house (where many are still in boxes but are not subjected to the ravages of temperature change).
• A recipe card for the legendary Poppy Seed Bread, stamped and written by Louise but handed down from her mother.
• An old will

I am exhausted, but my house is clean. It would be a shame to miss this experience by leaving the house.

In the end, thirty-five people came over a three-hour period. Making 24 biscuits out of a 12-biscuit recipe turned out to be the best option; I made three batches, which was a bit more than enough. We used forty peaches (almost half a bushel) and five pounds of blueberries, which was about a pound and a quarter less than needed. We ended up using most of four batches of the sour cream and whipping cream topping. I talked more than I’m used to.

The big surprise of the evening was sixteen-year-old Stepson #2, who volunteered—volunteered, mind you—to peel and slice peaches. Not once, not twice, but five separate times throughout the evening. While he has many good qualities, volunteering for work is not usually one of them.

And sorry, but not a picture the entire evening. I was either too busy talking, slicing, or eating.

Inexplicably, I am already thinking ahead to my next social event, which will likely be nothing more elaborate than Saturday lunch with a handful of friends.

And that’s when she put her book down. And looked at me. And said it: ‘Life isn’t fair, Bill. We tell our children that it is, but it’s a terrible thing to do. It’s not only a lie, it’s a cruel lie. Life is not fair, and it never has been, and it’s never going to be.’

Would you believe that for me right then it was like one of those comic books where the lightbulb goes on over Mandrake the Magician’s head? ‘It isn’t!’ I said, so loud I really startled her. ‘You’re right. It’s not fair.’ I was so happy if I’d known how to dance, I’d have started dancing. ‘Isn’t that great, isn’t it just terrific?’ I think along about here Edith thought I was well on my way toward being bonkers.

And that’s what I think this book’s about. All those Columbia experts can spiel all they want about the delicious satire; they’re crazy. This book says ‘life isn’t fair’ and I’m telling you, one and all, you better believe it. I got a fat spoiled son—he’s not gonna nab Miss Rheingold. And he’s always gonna be fat, even if he gets skinny he’ll still be fat and he’ll still be spoiled and life will never be enough to make him happy, and that’s my fault, maybe—make it all my fault, if you want—the point is, we’re not created equal, for the rich they sing, life isn’t fair. I got a cold wife; she’s brilliant, she’s stimulating, she’s terrific; there’s no love; that’s okay, too, just so long as we don’t keep expecting everything to somehow even out for us before we die.

Look. (Grownups skip this paragraph.) I’m not about to tell you this book has a tragic ending. I already said in the very first line how it was my favorite in all the world. But there’s a lot of bad stuff coming up, torture you’ve already been prepared for, but there’s worse. There’s death coming up, and you better understand this: some of the wrong people die. Be ready for it. This isn’t Curious George Uses the Potty. Nobody warned me and it was my own fault (you’ll see what I mean in a little) and that was my mistake, so I’m not letting it happen to you. The wrong people die, some of them, and the reason is this: life is not fair. Forget all the garbage your parents put out. Remember Morgenstern. You’ll be a lot happier.

Okay. Enough. Back to the next. Nightmare time.

There will be Peach and Blueberry Shortcake at my house on Sunday, 5-7 pm, come and go. The three of you and your families are all invited. And if C is still reading here, you’re invited, too.

Each recipe is supposed to make 12 servings, but one of those biscuits is really a lot of biscuit for one serving, so I am going to make 16 biscuits in one variation and 24 in another. And I’m going to use small custard cups for some servings and cereal bowls for others.

Hopefully there will be enough people to eat all of it.

• A picture from Louise’s first wedding
• Ticket stubs from a trip to Gyeongju
• My first passport
• My alien registration card from Korea
• Lovely messages from some of my Korean students
• A glass painting project from elementary school (and if you were there, you probably know which one I mean)

I love this part!

• A pair of wisdom teeth. My, what big teeth I had!
• Bridal magazines
• A pack of cards
• An S seal, with sealing wax
• Miscellaneous office supplies
• A receipt for a wedding dress
• A roll of undeveloped film. USE BY JUN 97. Will it be any good?
• An unopened tin of violet pastilles
• A small box of violet incense
• A Sacajawea dollar. And a penny.
• The title to my car

• Two and a half bento boxes. The half went in the trash, but I’m keeping the other two for work. When I get it.
• One 6-cup muffin pan
• One electric kettle
• Two pastry tips